


Think Before You Speak

by chzo_mythos



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen, Implied Incest, M/M, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 02:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chzo_mythos/pseuds/chzo_mythos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey and Gerard share a soul bond. It isn't as fun as it sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Think Before You Speak

**Author's Note:**

> For a contest. My prompt was 'I wish you would just leave me alone'

As far back as Mikey can remember Gerard’s been in his mind with him, helping him. One of his earliest memories is of him trying to tell his mother that he wanted juice, only to have Gerard step between them and open the fridge, giving Mikey his raspberry juice pouch. Their mother looked at Gerard with an eyebrow raised and Gerard shrugged, smiling at Mikey before going back to coloring. 

Pretty much as long as Mikey’s has understood the concept of thought, he’s had Gerard in his head, and vice versa. It’s just always been that way (or, rather, since Mikey was born anyway, Mikey’s pretty sure Gerard wasn’t able to communicate with him as a fetus), Gerard and Mikey, Mikey and Gerard. Them. It was as natural as breathing. But they found out early on that sharing their connection was something that had no benefits, so they choose to keep it secret. 

\---

The first time it was ever weird was when Mikey was 12 and felt his brother getting off. In retrospect, Mikey’s pretty sure Gerard must have gotten off before, the Ways were late bloomers when it came to things like kissing and sex, but it’s kind of ridiculous to think Gerard didn’t masturbate until he was 15. 

He’s sitting on his bed one Sunday night doing his fractions homework, foot tapping against the bed as he chews on the side of his pencil. And then, he feels. Good. Like, _really good_ , all over. A heat spreads from his lower abdomen and he feels fire in his fingertips. He sits back on his knees and feels his toes curl inside his shoes. His mind is buzzing trying to figure out what’s happening before he hears Gerard, crisp and clear in his head.

_fuck fuck/so close/ **fuck**_

Mikey bites his lip and sends _Gee?_ , and he knows when he hears Gerard gasp inside his head that the first message was accidental.

_shit/ sorry/hold on/be there in a minute_ Gerard sends back, and Mikey’s not sure whether to be nervous or not.

\---

It turns out to not be that big of a deal, Gerard explaining things and Mikey saying ‘I know Gee, I’m not stupid’, and then Gerard offering to let Mikey borrow his new issue of the X Men to compensate, and while Mikey didn’t feel like compensation was necessary, he’d never turn down comics and everything was kind of normal again.

\---

It happens more frequently after that, Gerard letting go all control and sending waves in every direction. Mikey wonders if there are others like them, if they’re picking up Gerard’s signals with the same amount of clarity he is. At first, he brushes it off. He’ll be watching TV, a heat will flow through his body, and that will be it. 

It’s a little weird when Mikey starts to get hard from the feeling, but he reasons (more like rationalizes) that it has nothing to do with his brother, and it’s fine to jerk off from the feeling. Though he still waits until he feels Gerard finish before he starts, though he never lasts long.

\---

It’s mostly smooth sailing after that. It’s just the way things are, Mikey knows. He knows that without their connection, Gerard might have never sobered up, so he always remembers to thank a God he’s not sure he believes in, because it really is a blessing. Though it can still be fucking annoying, especially when Mikey’s getting a blowjob from Pete behind the busses and Gerard sends _you shouldn’t fool around with this guy/bad news/I don’t like him/I don’t like **it**_. Mikey rolls his eyes, rolling them back in his sockets moments later when Pete takes him in to the base, and sends _buzz off/not your business/I can handle myself/I’m a big boy._ A couple seconds later he finishes in Pete’s mouth, Pete pulling off and smiling at him devilishly and Mikey can feel Gerard’s eyes roll. _only 25_

Mikey scoffs and doesn’t respond, smiling at Pete and sinking to his knees to return the favor.

\---

Their fights are always weird, not that they’ve fought to often, but it’s a lot of glaring and teeth gritting with no actual words spoken. They’ve never really found it necessary to talk to each other, at all really, only doing so in public. Gerard is the first to send something, he usually is, and it’s dripping with so much anger and Mikey can feel the way Gerard’s fists clench against his thigh.

_I told you he would do this/warned you/fucking idiot_

Mikey clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

_yeah you did/he cheated/I know/my life/my mistakes to make/my decision to stay/not yours_

Gerard’s eyes narrow and his next message comes with the image of an earthquake shocking concrete.

_your big brother/supposed to listen/trying to help you/asshole_

“Oh fuck you, Gee.” Mikey says, the same time Gerard hears it in his head. He’s done thinking before he speaks, like that ever really did any good anyway. 

“You’re the one who’s being an asshole. Newsflash, I’m old enough to make my own choices, my own mistakes, you don’t control me. You may think your helping, but you’re not. Sometimes I wish you would just _leave me alone!_ ”

Gerard purses his lips and Mikey has a flash image of a brick wall.

“Fine,” Gerard says, voice hoarse from the night’s concert, “fine. I’ll leave you alone.” And he does leave, to the bunks, and it’s oddly quiet in Mikey’s head. 

\---

Turns out Gerard meant he’d leave Mikey alone completely, thoughts, speech, even touch. The day after the fight, Mikey went to get breakfast and sent a message asking Gerard to pass him the cereal. When he didn’t respond, Mikey asked vocally, and Gerard ignored him then too, continuing his conversation with Ray about the direction of the new album, Ray glancing at Mikey with a raised eyebrow. And thus begins the most miserable period of Mikey’s life. 

\---

It’s like that when they get off tour, too, even though they live together, and Mikey’s really not used to being this alone. The only time he’s able to break through the wall a little bit is when Gerard’s getting off, but even then Mikey’s access is limited. The only contact they have is awkward glances and the shared feeling that they both need to apologize. It’s odd, Mikey knows Gerard is sorry and Gerard knows Mikey feels the same way, but neither of them is willing to apologize. 

The others notice, they can’t not. Frank even asks about it when he comes over for his and Mikey’s weekly Street Fighter tournament. Frank (Hakan) is kicking Mikey’s (Juri’s) ass, and as soon as he wins, Frank turns to Mikey and sighs.

“Y’all need to make up, really.”

Mikey pinches the bridge of his nose, cumbersome glasses being pushed against his temples. 

“Yeah, I…yeah. Just…scared I guess.”

Frank sighs again and turns back to the game.

“Do what you gotta do, man. I trust you.”

Mikey nods and looks down at his controller, blinking sadly.

_Gee?_ He sends, and he has to hold back tears when he doesn’t get a response. He’ll save it until after Frank leaves. 

\---

It continues like that for a few weeks, Mikey sending things ranging from _I love you/Gee/so sorry/please forgive me/talk_ and _did you drink the last of the coffee?_ without one response from Gerard, mental or otherwise. 

He looks at Gerard on the couch next to him and sends _love you_. He sees Gerard’s eyes soften a bit and Mikey thinks he’s wearing him down, until Gerard hears that and stiffens his back before standing and walking to his room. 

\---

Ray and Frank have pretty much figures out that they should stay the hell away from the Way’s apartment when they’re fighting (unless absolutely necessary—like for Street Fighter, or to bum some smokes, you know, important stuff), which isn’t often, but it’s happened enough since they’ve all been friends for Ray and Frank to figure out the routine. They’ll be angry at each other, then apologize no longer than 4 days later—that’s just how the Way brothers are. But not this time. It’s abundantly clear to them (how can it not be? Even off tour they practically fucking live together) that this fight isn’t like the others. And when it enters its second week, they decide they need to do…something. 

“It fuckin’ blows, man. Ain’t shit we can do, but I feel even shittier doin’ nothing.” Frank says from Ray’s couch. 

Ray makes an affirmative noise from the other side, sighing through his nose. 

“Maybe…” He starts, tentative. Frank has a knack from making things worse when it comes to the Ways.

“Maybe we should just let them work it out.”

And as he predicted, Frank scoffs and shakes his head. 

“Nope. Ain’t happenin’. They usually know when to end fights, but I don’t know ‘bout this one. I got an idea.” He says, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

Ray sighs and keeps his mouth shut because, once again as he predicted, Frank is calling Gerard.

\---

So, yeah, it turns out Frank _does_ make things worse, saying that Gerard doesn’t know what he’s doing and Gerard flipping him off and storming out. Ray texts him later saying that he had no part in Frank plan, to which Gerard doesn’t respond. 

\---

He’s more irritable, tense and spiraling into the Dark Place again (though, without the substance abuse—substances more damaging than coffee and cigarettes anyway). It’s obvious to everyone, especially Mikey, and every day the first thing he does when he wakes up is tries to chip away at that fucking wall. Gerard hasn’t even been getting off anymore, so that little window of clarity is gone. 

It comes to a (literal) breaking point when Mikey’s in the kitchen with a glass of water and Gerard walks in, searching the cabinets for something Mikey didn’t buy at the store (Gerard didn’t tell him he was out, his loss). Mikey gives him glances from the other end of the counter. Finally when he’s about to leave Mikey turns and says “Will you just fucking say something and quit being so stubborn?”.

And Gerard pauses in the kitchen doorway before taking a breath and leaving. Mikey grips the glass so hard that it breaks in his hand, the water stinging the fresh cuts. 

Gerard doesn’t even ask about the noise, or the bandages on Mikey’s hand for the next week. 

\---

It’s next Saturday before Mikey tries to break down the wall again, cooking Gerard’s favorite dinner and setting the table all pretty, like they’re fucking married or something. Mikey pushes the thought to the back of his head (like that’s any use) as Gerard walks in, sack of groceries in his hand (it was Pocky that Mikey forgot, so Gerard bought a few boxes, clearly planning this to last pretty long). 

“Surprise!” Mikey says the same time he sends it.

_your favorite/come eat/sit with me/for you_

Gerard just blinks and puts the Pocky away, taking out a bottle of Strawberry Ramune he got at the store as well and going to his room. 

\---

Mikey honestly feels like a creep standing in the doorway to Gerard’s room that night. His shadow is cast onto the wall behind him and Gerard’s in bed with his back turned away. Mikey steps forward and lets himself into Gerard’s bed, curling against his brother’s back.

_miss you/sorry Gee/love/love/love_

Gerard stirs a little and looks over his shoulder, turning back when he sees it’s Mikey. Mikey feels tears on the brim of his eyes and he bites the inside of his lip, draping his arm over Gerard’s waist. 

_please/shouldn’t have said/hurt you/sorry_

Gerard grunts and turns over, tired eyes gazing up at Mikey’s wide ones. And that’s the end of it. When he finally sees tears in Mikey’s eyes, he gives. It isn’t worth it anymore—maybe it never was.

_s’okay._ he sends, _sorry/me too/love_

Mikey smiles and leans forward, pressing his lips against Gerard’s lazily, not really kissing, just resting them against each other, and scooting forward, getting his body as close to Gerard’s as possible. Gerard cuddles into him and sighs against his lips.

_you needed space/I understand/not in charge of you/ **not you**_

Mikey shakes his head and kisses him for real.

_**you are me** /nothing without/love_

Gerard smiles and doesn’t say or send anything, because he really doesn’t need to.


End file.
